The First of Many, The Last of Some.

 First I would like to say hello and welcome to everyone that actually took the time to come check out my blog. This blog will be the first of many covering the topic of my personal struggle with adult ADHD.

 I have had ADHD for as long as I can remember. However, I didn't find out I had ADHD until around the age of 30. My uncle, who has also had ADHD since he was a kid, told me he always knew I had it and tried to tell my mom who thought "I was just a hyper boy, doing what hyper boys do". So needless to say she never brought it up with my pediatrician and therefore I was never officially diagnosed. 

I found out many years later from a psychiatrist that I went to see after my father passed away. Come to find out that all the learning issues, moodiness, memory retention issues, and general inability to sit still or focus on anything for more then 5 minutes was all due to a thing called ADHD. As she started explaining the shall we call them "side effects" of ADHD, suddenly things started making sense. The reason I zone out, get bored so easily, suffer from CRS (can't remember shit), and can't sit still without fidgeting at least one part of my body. The trouble sleeping and general lack of interest unless it's something I genuinely give a damn about. 

Suddenly my whole world started to make more sense. I finally started to understand why I was the way I was. Of course everyone else still didn't get it. Oh you're just using that as an excuse, or you don't really have ADHD. My favorite one though has got to be, so you have ADHD, that doesn't mean anything. Well I'm here to tell you it does. The everyday mundane tasks that 95% of the population without ADHD take for granted, is ridiculously difficult for the 5% of us that do have it.

Imagine if you will that you are unable to focus on one of these everyday tasks. Not for lack of trying mind you, but yet it seems like no matter how hard you try to focus you just can't, until finally you get so irritated that you say screw it and give up. It's like one of those dreams where you're reaching out for a loved one and you've almost got them, but no matter how far you stretch and push yourself, you just can't quite get close enough to grab their hand. Now imagine having to go through that everyday, now you're starting to get an idea of what it's like.

It's not all bad though, when you're able to use the side effects to your advantage it can actually be pretty useful. Take hyper-focus, when pointed at a task or assignment that needs doing it can be a superpower. You are completely locked on target, tunnel vision, nothing can distract you from completing your goal. Until it wears off, then suddenly your mind is back to going in a million different directions at once, CRS has kicked back in thanks to information overload, and oh hey I wonder if that random thing that I saw like 2 weeks ago is still at that random website I came across while trying to study. Shit! I was supposed to study!

I'm not saying it's like this for everyone with ADHD and I am by no means claiming to be an expert. I am simply stating my own personal experience and hoping that maybe by me doing so I'm able to help others. Both those like me with ADHD, and those trying to understand because someone they care about has ADHD.

That's all for now, I can feel myself starting to loose focus and I'm also starting to hit that boredom stage. So until next time, I hope this helps. Even just a little bit.