And so, it begins....

 What do you do when your life decides to throw you such a curve that your ADHD goes spiraling completely out of control? 

That's the question I found myself faced with this last week and I'm going to be honest, I don't have the answer. To give a little background on how this all came to pass, I'll take you back to this Tuesday 11/2/2021. 

What was supposed to be a routine visit for an intake to see a counselor and get them to confirm to my new doctor that I do in fact have ADHD, turned into a trip down the rabbit hole that is my past. As all counselors do, this one wanted to "know more about me to better assess the kind of help I need" which turned into a 2-hour long conversation with 3 different people, including a crisis counselor, all wanting to go digging into the past that I have long since tried to bury. It brought forth the demons and monster I once thought slain, all roaring back to life like something out of a horror movie! 

Needless to say, these events shot my anxiety through the fucking roof and took me from an average Joe looking for help managing his ADHD, to a fidgety, hyper vigilant, anxious, ball of nerves ready to tell the whole world to go to hell and just consign himself to the life of a hermit. Though this is by no means a solution to any of the afore mentioned problems, it did seem like the safest option for not only myself, but society at large.

In that 2-hour span of time, I felt things that I haven't felt in over a decade.

 Why am I sharing this with whoever actually reads my blogs? In hopes that through doing so maybe I can help you see that if you have ever gone through something similar, you are not alone! Maybe me sharing this terrible event in my life helps you in some way. 

I can only hope this reaches who it needs to, those like me who have suffered undue trauma at the hands of monsters, be they living beings, or the monsters of the mind. May knowing that you do not suffer alone be enough to help you keep pushing forward. Though things may overwhelm you and circumstance try and pull you under, continue to fight my friend.

Fight on, if for nothing else then to defy those things that would seek your end. For if you fail to defy them... Then they shall surely win.