The Coming Battle.

 

Though I post my blogs back-to-back most times, I do not write them that way. Yes, I have a tendency to put everything off till the last minute, and yes, I quite often find myself sitting in front of my computer for hours on Sunday trying to complete all the things I have put off all week. That being said, let's get back to why I am actually writing this, before I go off on a tangent about ADHD and procrastination. That will come in a future blog, just not now.

This blog is about the stresses I have had to face lately and how it has affected my ADHD.

If you read the blog, I posted previous to this one you will understand some of what I have been dealing with and why I am writing this one. While I will not elaborate further on the details of my past and why they cause me such anguish to have to re-live them, I will tell you that my life to this point seems as if it has been one battle after another, with little to no rest in between.

The stresses of my childhood combined with those of being an adult with ADHD, PTSD, and a few other alphabet titles have led to everything from an upset stomach and sleeplessness, to what a neurologist described to me as a stress induced stroke. Basically, I became so stressed that I blew a fuse in my brain, which caused me to lose the ability to speak more than a few simple words for well over 2 months. 

Now I find myself facing some of the same adversaries and wondering, have the battles of my past prepared me for what lies ahead, or am I doomed to repeat history? I would like to say that I have become battle hardened by my trials and that I know for certain that the coming battle will not phase me, but alas I cannot in good conscience make such a statement.

While I do believe that I will once again survive the rising of the tide, I do not believe I will make it through unscathed. I believe the scars will be evident to see for those who dare to look. However, I shall wear them with pride knowing that it is those scars that have made me who I am. It is the scars that I wear that others fear to look at which allow me to be a good father, a loyal friend, and a survivor.

I saw a quote the other day that spoke to me. It read "I have been fighting my entire life, that doesn't make me a survivor, that makes me a fucking warrior!" It filled me with a sense of pride, for I too have been fighting my entire life.

That's not a boast, but rather a statement of fact. In one way or another I have been constantly at war with some form of adversary. Mentally my ADHD has been my greatest adversary in that it has caused its own set of problems and the symptoms that have come with it have caused yet more problems. Physically I have faced several adversaries as well, however the names and identities of those, shall remain with me.

I leave you with this. No matter what you face in life, no matter how stressful things become. Do not give in! Fight on, face your demons and show them, that while they may knock you down, you will never surrender and you will rise back up to your feet, shake the dust off and come at them with all that you have until they are no more!